Lazy!!!

Well I must admit - I've been lazy! In fact very lazy!!! Out of 5 projects I have to do for my degree I only completed one over easter!!! How bad is that!!!?

I suppose not being happy with the course, the lecturers or the institution itself doesnt really help matters, but hopefully I'll be out of there at the end of the academic year and doing something I've thought about, prayed about and actually want to do rather the rush job that suffolk college was!

So please pray for me if you're Christian that I will get into the course I want! If you're not a Christian and would feel uncomfortable praying - well fingers and toes crossed!!!

I'm going to the institution the course is at in London on Thursday so I'll keep ya posted as to what happens!

Big Problems and Big Changes!

Ok - so there have been several changes recently - some larger than others so bear with me!

The first problem I had is a fairly minor one but still important to me. My piano is old and frankly has served its time. The other day I was playing it and two of the keys stuck down and refused to budge until the next day! However thi is an area of change as a good friend has suprised me by buying me my dream piano - the Yamaha U1!!! I feel a bit guilty about accepting it but he won't hear otherwise so I guess im going to have to accept it! Very nice change though!

Another change that may happen is that i'm going to drop out of university! Well - not entirely. For a while I've been unhappy with the course im on and the institution. Ive always wanted a more Christian and placement based approach to doing a degree in Youth Work and didnt think such a degree existed until now! I'm hopefully going to transfer onto the Youth Work and Youth Ministry degree at Oasis UK in London in September - providing they accept my application. Finding this degree is like an answered prayer! Just hope that I do get in and can achieve my dream of being a full time youth worker!

Another problem that hasnt been solved yet and I could really do with a big change in this area is the fact I havent been sleeping properly for the last couple of months - mainly due to things in my past and my unhappiness at university. I'm hoping that the change I mentioned in the previous paragraph will help matters and as for my past - I'm hoping to see a councellor in order to free myself of these problems! Watch this space!

Lastly, just for the sake of something to write and for updatings sake - I'm still single so no change there, but to be honest, until I find someone who I'm not only attracted to but they want to be with me for who I am and not just because they want a bit of 'fun' and someone good looking on theyre arm, my status will stay single! Looking back I can see how much Ive been used. Even people I thought were my friends seem now to ignore me now the fun is over. Oh well - guess thats good cos I now know who my real friends are. I'm determined to take control of my life and hopefully end up with someone who appreciates me as a friend and someone to love! Is that too much to ask!? Oh well - I spose this is another 'watch this space'!

books, books and cars!

Well uni certainly has its costs! As does cars! For the newest modules ive started ive had to buy two new books for resulting in a cost of £60! In terms of my car - so far ive had 6 months tax - £60.50, Full Service - £90.21 and fixing car as a result of the tescos dodgy petrol - £261.99! I also need to get an mot done and renew insurance before 22nd march!

Life as a student and life as a car lol!

Life!

Im in such a weired mood! Since Sunday I've been on a high which is really weired. I also feel ready now to embrace life and the possibility of another relationship in the future although that idea kinda scares me slightly still. For some reason im still paranoid bout being in a car alone with a guy i dont know very well. Hopefully thatl change tho and hopefully soon!

However, what concerns me more at the moment is other peoples relationships. Since everything went wrong for me in my last relationship everyone i know has had a bad relationship or are currently having problems! I know its nothing to do with me but i do feel responsible sometimes for it! I really should stop interfearing and just let people get on with their relationships and wait until they feel like talking to me. Its hard tho cos I hate to see and know that good friends are hurting and i cant do anything about it!

maybe one day things for everyone will sort itself out!

Be my valentine

Happy Valentines Day.

To be honest I think this celebration is stupid but I'll say it anyway cos everybody is great and deserves to be loved. In some ways its nice to know that you're liked by someone and its fun guessing who it is but the secret admirer stuff is still annoying! But never mind - seeing as I don't have anyone particular to send a valentine to (again!) I'm gonna say I love you all lol!

Have a great day!

Its been ages!

Sorry for not blogging in a while. Since moving on the 15th on January to our lovely new house the internet has only just been reconnected!

Life has been all over the place since my last blog - some of you will know why but most of what has happened is a bit too personal to put in this blog. however - the main bit of news is that im still alive lol and the new house is absolutley great! As for the rest of my life - well we'll see how that goes. Hope those of you who read this have had a better time than me!!! I'll try and blog again soon!

Sorry for the shortness of this blog!

any better?

My life is mad, annoying and confusing but i havent got any choice but to live it. I think its getting better gradually though.

In reference to my previous blog I've kinda resigned myself now to not ever being able to be with this person that I really like (tho I was told 'never say never'!). All I want is for them to be happy and if not being with me is what it takes then so be it. If anything did happen I think I may die of shock lol! If friendship is all thats on offer then I'll take it!

I just hope that I do get a bit of love from someone, somewhere in 2007 but I'll just have to wait and see!!!

Hope everyone else is having a bit more success in that department than me!! Happy flirting!

Ive messed up!

Well I was talking in my previous post about why love is so confusing and now I think Ive just proved that point and made everything worse!

Recently Ive been really confused and really angry with myself! Unfortunatley ive fallen for someone who I cant be with for certain reasons despite knowing that!!! What makes it even worse is that the feelings that im having for this person arent like any feelings Ive had before for anybody and thats scary! Previous times I've liked someone its really just been a 'school girl crush' and I've got over it pretty quickly but with the way these feelings are different for this person I'm starting to wonder if i can get rid of them to let this person have the happiness they deserve and how long it will take to get rid of these feelings! Either way - I need to stop how Im feeling cos frankly I have no right to feel like this! This person is one of the nicest people Ive met and all I can say is I'm really thankfull for meeting them cos they've helped me out a lot. If you read this - you know who you are - thank you! You're great!

Why is love confusing?

I've had several people ask me this so I thought that Id blog about it! To be honest I don't really have an answer to this question and Id be surprised if anybody did have an answer to it!

Personally Ive found love really confusing! Its nearly at the point now where I doubt whether anything is love anymore! For one thing i think that everybody has a different experience, opinion and attitude about it. Actually - instead of me tlking about the topic - those of you who read my blog can give your opinions on this! Leave a comment on this post!

New Year!

Well its nw a new year and it better be a good one! When I look back on 2006 and think of how much ive been through and how much ive changed since thi time last year im amazed!

Oh - and sorry to you bloggers for not blogging in a while. I'll fill you in with what has been happening in my life these last few weeks...

The christmas dustman sketch that I did with Sarah (the JSS) and the junior soldiers went fab in the end and Sudbury singing company - well - what can I say - they were fantastic! I think its the best theyve ever sung! I can't wait to start singing company practices again!

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and today have been spent being very busy decorating our new house. Its starting to look really nice, although the colour in my parents room and the colour in my room is exactly the same! (we thought they were different shades but they look no different on the wall!). Only two weeks to go until we move in!!!!

Ive also still been having some ups and downs in my life but im hoping that now its a new year I can really focus on the things that are important to me in my life and start to get over the things that werent so good for me last year. I have some fantastic friends (you know who you are!) and I really hope I can start to appreciate you more and work towards a great 2007!
After all that I suppose theres only one thing left to say - Happy New Year!!!!

How Im feeling at the moment...

Today has been another weired day! Well - in terms of emotions anyway.

This morning was mostly taken up with carolling and being stuck at the army hall (disadvantage of being an officers kid and not bringing my car or suitable clothes to walk home in with me!) which was ok aprt from there not being many people around and not being able to do any of the more interesting carols to play on baritone .

I wasnt going to say this but i think its true what people say - you dont realise how much you like something or someone until it/they have gone! Something for you bloggers to think about!

Btw - If I dont get chance to blog before Christmas - have a great Christmas and don't forget the real reason for it!

My ol mans a dustman...!!?

For the community Christmas carol concert Ive got to dress up as a bin man and play the accompliment for the song 'My ol mans a dustman'! Im really struggling to see how the christmas words that someone has written fits in with the music so it may be a disaster! Oh well - they do say it will be alright on the night!

today - well...

Today has been such a weired day! One minute ive been feeling up and the next feeling down! Maybe Im too emotional for my own good!

At the moment Im actually in the scariest emotional situation Ive ever been in because everything is so complicated! Honestly - Im out of Im depth! Its a really difficult and weired feeling and really really difficult to control it!

The emotions Ive felt today are numerous - namely anger, being upset, sad, happy, flirty, aggression, boredom, loneliness, annoyed... u name it - i probably would have experienced it today!

One of the things Ive been thinking about today aswell is why when a guy gets into a relationship how they suddenly seem to forget their female friends! And vice versa for girls! Its just weired! Just because 'no flirting allowed' barrier goes up suddenly a person isnt interesting! I do it aswell! It really confuses me!Maybe Im just blonde!

Anyway - thats my moan for today lol!

Piano mad!!!!

For those of you who know me personally know that if theres a piano in the room I will be there examining it and above all playing it. Well, I thought id share with you my dream piano! Well - my dream piano that fits in with the world im living in anyway!

I would absolutley love a Yamaha U1 series piano - preferably in Black or mahogany finish. Unfortunatley - even a second hand one of these will set me back £2500 at least!

I already have my own piano - an ancient Oetzmann piano that I was given by a Cromer Methodist Church member (to whom Im forever gratefull!!!), but I seem to have out grown it (or out played it - however you look at it!). I would also now like to look at teaching piano but I cant really do that on a piano that is under pitch no matter how much it is tuned and has keys that stick or are stubborn and dont sound.

Maybe one day my dream will come true (along with several other dreams!!) but for now I'l just be gratefull that I have my talents and an actual piano to show my talents on! The amount of children who dont have enough food or a shelter above their head would scream i would imagine about me complaining about something as stupid as a piano! But everyone can dream can't they...!?

I've been such an idiot!

Do you ever have times when you say something to someone in the heat of a moment then completley regret it later!?

Well I think I had one of those moments last night when I got completley paranoid and wound up about somthing that I think I may have just put off a really close friend from being a really close friend with me!

You know what!? I think I'm just being paranoid yet again so I'm just going to shut up about that! lol

I was also told last night by someone (not the close friend but someone else) that I might try not being so flirty. Apparently guys might actually prefer that because they would get to know everything else about me first. However, not being so flirty will be hard for me - being flirty is really part of who I am and I don't really know if I can change that and if I did manage to change it whether it would be for the better! I might try it but don't know whether it will stick! I'll keep ya posted!

I need to wise up!

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently - perhaps a bit too much! I've had enough with life and in particular relationships. It's all starting to get too much for me and I'm starting to realise that I do actually need God in my life! That may sound a bit weired, but for so long I've been trying to do everything without His help and it's got too much! I don't think I've ever lost my faith although I do think that Ive ignored it a lot when perhaps I should have relied on it more.

From now on I'm going to trust God more with my future rather than try and organise my future myself - that includes relationships!!! After all - Proverbs 3:5 & 6 says 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don't lean on your own understanding. In everything acknowledge him and He will direct your path'

Sorry if that sounds a bit preachy to all you ppl who read this blog - just had to be said!

AAAAAHHH!!!!!!

I'm yet again feeling used and confused!!!!! It's so annoying how I seem to be able to get myself into complicated situations!!!! Although it could just be me completley over-reacting and panicking - its just that I've been hurt so much in the past that I'm always paranoid...

Wot a great day!!!

i spent saturday with a very good friend of mine and we went to see the new 007 film in norwich (which was fantastic!!) then i went to the coop Brass and Voices concert in the chapelfield methodist church in which this friend and another were playing in the band for. It was such a great day- too much to talk about really - but wanted to write it down so i didnt forget it! It was nice to have a good time and not have to worry about uni stuff or any past problems just for a day and just spend time with someone i trust!

Too much to think about!

Ok - today I'm studying and writing the final part of my sociology essay! If thats not enough to think about, I've also been thinking about some of the questions that were asked at 'Grill a Vicar night' at Sudbury Eden Project last night!

The questions that have really stuck in my mind are 'Is dating right? Should we be friends first?', 'What is you're opinion on suicide? Do you think people who commit suicide would still go to heaven?' and 'How long should you be with someone before together you start thinking about marriage?'.

I thought I'd post these questions to see what other people think! There was a huge debate on these questions amongst the youth at eden but it would still be interesting what others come up with!

Happy thinking!