any better?

My life is mad, annoying and confusing but i havent got any choice but to live it. I think its getting better gradually though.

In reference to my previous blog I've kinda resigned myself now to not ever being able to be with this person that I really like (tho I was told 'never say never'!). All I want is for them to be happy and if not being with me is what it takes then so be it. If anything did happen I think I may die of shock lol! If friendship is all thats on offer then I'll take it!

I just hope that I do get a bit of love from someone, somewhere in 2007 but I'll just have to wait and see!!!

Hope everyone else is having a bit more success in that department than me!! Happy flirting!

Ive messed up!

Well I was talking in my previous post about why love is so confusing and now I think Ive just proved that point and made everything worse!

Recently Ive been really confused and really angry with myself! Unfortunatley ive fallen for someone who I cant be with for certain reasons despite knowing that!!! What makes it even worse is that the feelings that im having for this person arent like any feelings Ive had before for anybody and thats scary! Previous times I've liked someone its really just been a 'school girl crush' and I've got over it pretty quickly but with the way these feelings are different for this person I'm starting to wonder if i can get rid of them to let this person have the happiness they deserve and how long it will take to get rid of these feelings! Either way - I need to stop how Im feeling cos frankly I have no right to feel like this! This person is one of the nicest people Ive met and all I can say is I'm really thankfull for meeting them cos they've helped me out a lot. If you read this - you know who you are - thank you! You're great!

Why is love confusing?

I've had several people ask me this so I thought that Id blog about it! To be honest I don't really have an answer to this question and Id be surprised if anybody did have an answer to it!

Personally Ive found love really confusing! Its nearly at the point now where I doubt whether anything is love anymore! For one thing i think that everybody has a different experience, opinion and attitude about it. Actually - instead of me tlking about the topic - those of you who read my blog can give your opinions on this! Leave a comment on this post!

New Year!

Well its nw a new year and it better be a good one! When I look back on 2006 and think of how much ive been through and how much ive changed since thi time last year im amazed!

Oh - and sorry to you bloggers for not blogging in a while. I'll fill you in with what has been happening in my life these last few weeks...

The christmas dustman sketch that I did with Sarah (the JSS) and the junior soldiers went fab in the end and Sudbury singing company - well - what can I say - they were fantastic! I think its the best theyve ever sung! I can't wait to start singing company practices again!

Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and today have been spent being very busy decorating our new house. Its starting to look really nice, although the colour in my parents room and the colour in my room is exactly the same! (we thought they were different shades but they look no different on the wall!). Only two weeks to go until we move in!!!!

Ive also still been having some ups and downs in my life but im hoping that now its a new year I can really focus on the things that are important to me in my life and start to get over the things that werent so good for me last year. I have some fantastic friends (you know who you are!) and I really hope I can start to appreciate you more and work towards a great 2007!
After all that I suppose theres only one thing left to say - Happy New Year!!!!

How Im feeling at the moment...

Today has been another weired day! Well - in terms of emotions anyway.

This morning was mostly taken up with carolling and being stuck at the army hall (disadvantage of being an officers kid and not bringing my car or suitable clothes to walk home in with me!) which was ok aprt from there not being many people around and not being able to do any of the more interesting carols to play on baritone .

I wasnt going to say this but i think its true what people say - you dont realise how much you like something or someone until it/they have gone! Something for you bloggers to think about!

Btw - If I dont get chance to blog before Christmas - have a great Christmas and don't forget the real reason for it!

My ol mans a dustman...!!?

For the community Christmas carol concert Ive got to dress up as a bin man and play the accompliment for the song 'My ol mans a dustman'! Im really struggling to see how the christmas words that someone has written fits in with the music so it may be a disaster! Oh well - they do say it will be alright on the night!

today - well...

Today has been such a weired day! One minute ive been feeling up and the next feeling down! Maybe Im too emotional for my own good!

At the moment Im actually in the scariest emotional situation Ive ever been in because everything is so complicated! Honestly - Im out of Im depth! Its a really difficult and weired feeling and really really difficult to control it!

The emotions Ive felt today are numerous - namely anger, being upset, sad, happy, flirty, aggression, boredom, loneliness, annoyed... u name it - i probably would have experienced it today!

One of the things Ive been thinking about today aswell is why when a guy gets into a relationship how they suddenly seem to forget their female friends! And vice versa for girls! Its just weired! Just because 'no flirting allowed' barrier goes up suddenly a person isnt interesting! I do it aswell! It really confuses me!Maybe Im just blonde!

Anyway - thats my moan for today lol!

Piano mad!!!!

For those of you who know me personally know that if theres a piano in the room I will be there examining it and above all playing it. Well, I thought id share with you my dream piano! Well - my dream piano that fits in with the world im living in anyway!

I would absolutley love a Yamaha U1 series piano - preferably in Black or mahogany finish. Unfortunatley - even a second hand one of these will set me back £2500 at least!

I already have my own piano - an ancient Oetzmann piano that I was given by a Cromer Methodist Church member (to whom Im forever gratefull!!!), but I seem to have out grown it (or out played it - however you look at it!). I would also now like to look at teaching piano but I cant really do that on a piano that is under pitch no matter how much it is tuned and has keys that stick or are stubborn and dont sound.

Maybe one day my dream will come true (along with several other dreams!!) but for now I'l just be gratefull that I have my talents and an actual piano to show my talents on! The amount of children who dont have enough food or a shelter above their head would scream i would imagine about me complaining about something as stupid as a piano! But everyone can dream can't they...!?

I've been such an idiot!

Do you ever have times when you say something to someone in the heat of a moment then completley regret it later!?

Well I think I had one of those moments last night when I got completley paranoid and wound up about somthing that I think I may have just put off a really close friend from being a really close friend with me!

You know what!? I think I'm just being paranoid yet again so I'm just going to shut up about that! lol

I was also told last night by someone (not the close friend but someone else) that I might try not being so flirty. Apparently guys might actually prefer that because they would get to know everything else about me first. However, not being so flirty will be hard for me - being flirty is really part of who I am and I don't really know if I can change that and if I did manage to change it whether it would be for the better! I might try it but don't know whether it will stick! I'll keep ya posted!

I need to wise up!

I've been doing a lot of thinking recently - perhaps a bit too much! I've had enough with life and in particular relationships. It's all starting to get too much for me and I'm starting to realise that I do actually need God in my life! That may sound a bit weired, but for so long I've been trying to do everything without His help and it's got too much! I don't think I've ever lost my faith although I do think that Ive ignored it a lot when perhaps I should have relied on it more.

From now on I'm going to trust God more with my future rather than try and organise my future myself - that includes relationships!!! After all - Proverbs 3:5 & 6 says 'Trust in the Lord with all your heart and don't lean on your own understanding. In everything acknowledge him and He will direct your path'

Sorry if that sounds a bit preachy to all you ppl who read this blog - just had to be said!

AAAAAHHH!!!!!!

I'm yet again feeling used and confused!!!!! It's so annoying how I seem to be able to get myself into complicated situations!!!! Although it could just be me completley over-reacting and panicking - its just that I've been hurt so much in the past that I'm always paranoid...

Wot a great day!!!

i spent saturday with a very good friend of mine and we went to see the new 007 film in norwich (which was fantastic!!) then i went to the coop Brass and Voices concert in the chapelfield methodist church in which this friend and another were playing in the band for. It was such a great day- too much to talk about really - but wanted to write it down so i didnt forget it! It was nice to have a good time and not have to worry about uni stuff or any past problems just for a day and just spend time with someone i trust!

Too much to think about!

Ok - today I'm studying and writing the final part of my sociology essay! If thats not enough to think about, I've also been thinking about some of the questions that were asked at 'Grill a Vicar night' at Sudbury Eden Project last night!

The questions that have really stuck in my mind are 'Is dating right? Should we be friends first?', 'What is you're opinion on suicide? Do you think people who commit suicide would still go to heaven?' and 'How long should you be with someone before together you start thinking about marriage?'.

I thought I'd post these questions to see what other people think! There was a huge debate on these questions amongst the youth at eden but it would still be interesting what others come up with!

Happy thinking!

Labelling?

In my A-level in Psychology and now in my degree i've had to study the subject of labelling. This is basically where people 'label' someone in their society based on a fact or characteristic of that person, for example, if a kid's dad was sent to prison, people may label that kid as a deviant and someone who is likely to cause trouble.

The reason i've said about this is because im annoyed about it happening to me! Tonight I'm going with my dad to a youth programme in Sudbury called the Eden project. My dad is doing a talk there. I'd have loved to have gone before this sunday and just meet people without my dad! Every person has a thing about parents 'cramping their style' and I'm not embarrassed by my parents occupation or them themselves! It's just I really wish that I could meet people as me for a change! Not a ministers daughter, not an Officers daughter - just me!

I'm really worried that, because people find out straight away that I'm Salvation Army Officers kid that people will labell and therefore generalise me to be over the top, boring, bible-bashing nobody!

Hello people! I'm actually a human being with feelings who does enjoy a bit of fun!!!!

Cowards?

Sorry for not postin in a while - this last wekk has been like an emotional rollercoaster ride that i can't seem to get off!

Guys seem to be really macho when flirting, playing sport and just manly stuff but im starting to wonder whether they are actually cowards when it comes to love!
Most guys I've come across seem to like to stick to whats familiar and whats safe. So far, the excuses I've had for not stepping out of the comfort zone are: 'Don't want a relationship at the moment', 'I enjoy flirting and don't want to stick to one person for ages', 'I don't want to ruin our friendship', 'I'm not entirely sure the I'm over my ex', 'You're blonde' (that one really hurt!), 'I don't do distance relationships'... shall I go on!!!?

Whats happened to the sense of adventure and going forward into the future rather than sitting in the past! Perhaps guys feel the same about us girls! I duno - nobodys ever said!

Maybe guys just make excuses with me - after all - who would want to go out with an officers kid!?

100% ????

I had a thought the other day that was prompted by a text from someone and thought Id share it with ld you bloggers!

Can you ever be 100% about anything or anyone? In terms of inanimate objects, again you can never really be 100% about them. For example, if you buy a car - you may really like it but there will still be things that you are unsure about until you actually get it and drive it out of the place you bought it from!

In terms of liking someone, you know that you like them but are often unsure of what to do, but you'll still be unsure about them until you actually go out with them and then you usually make up you're mind! You may not be conscious of it, but surely its true!

These are just my thoughts on this and probably sound like rambles, but please comment on this and give you're opinion on the question 'Can you ever be 100% about anyone or anything?'. It makes a good debate and I'm curious to see what other people think!!

As for other stuff in my life. Things in my past are reallyu starting to get me down - and I cant tell anyone. Its too difficult although I really want to! Sometimes I wonder if lifes worth living!!!...

Dogs and Books!

For the past few days I've been looking after my sister's new dalmation puppy (look at picture!) whilst trying to study aswell! The puppy (called Lily) is really cute but really hard work! Im so tired! Anyway - whilst Lily's been sleeping (when she does!!!) I've been working my way through a book recommended by the tutors of my university course called The Good Study Guide by Andrew Northedge. It's really interesting and easy to read. If you are doing you're A-levels or studying for a degree at the moment I definatley recommended that you get and read this book!

Im Back!

I thought Id start a whole new blog - I kinda got bored of the old one and didnt use it much! Im intending to start keeping a regular blog though. Hopefully it will give me something to do and give everybody a view of what goes on in the life of a Salvation Army Officers kids life! (that was a mouthful lol!). Catch ya all later - hope you enjoy the reading!